By Casey Neill
One couple has turned their pain into a healing sanctuary for other parents who have lost a child.
Hayden and Sheree Ballinger founded Forever Held Foundation on their Naringal dairy farm.
“It came out of our own journey,” Sheree said.
“We have five children.
“We feel so incredibly grateful, but part of the journey of growing our family was experiencing five miscarriages.”
In May 2018 they lost their son Jamin after 18 weeks of pregnancy.
“The grief that followed was overwhelming for a really lengthy period of time for me,” Sheree said.
“It was compounded grief – I hadn’t fully acknowledged or slowed after each to take that time to grieve.
“When this happened it was layer upon layer and it forced me to a stop.
“I would go for a walk or a run down our farm road and past this piece of land we had purchased about 10 years before.
“The idea came on a run, to make space for parents to stay, a retreat.
“At the time it felt like a dream.
“We didn’t know if it would be possible.”
But the Ballingers finished the no-cost short-stay Forever Held haven for other loss parents in October 2022.
“Our vision was to create space to grieve,” Sheree said.
“Grief is a really natural part of life.
“In our Australian culture we often don’t know how to handle that.
“We hope that any parent who’s experiencing the loss of a child knows that their story matters and they’re not alone.
“We’ve had some really encouraging feedback even months after a stay.
“It helped them to feel seen and heard.
“One thing that we also hear is how there’s a certain sacredness to the space.
“They appreciate that only loss parents have stayed in the retreat.
“There’s some sort of connection because of that.”
Sheree designed the space very intentionally.
“We wanted to make it feel different to a hotel,” she said.
“We wanted to use as many natural materials as possible – timber, stone, natural light.
“We can’t always physically be there to sit with everyone who comes to stay, but we wanted to wrap each person with love.
“They walk in and feel the warmth, and that there’s people who really care about what they’re going through.
“It’s also off-grid. There’s very limited phone reception, no Wi-Fi, no TV.
“It’s just that chance to switch off.
“It can initially feel confronting. It is a slowing down, it is a switching off.”
The Ballingers provide an art and journalling space for guests.
“They share their story if they’d like to, if that’s going to help them in their healing,” she said.
“There’s no rules for any of it.
“We want people to be able to come and simply be themselves and have their grief acknowledged.”
The retreat is a family affair, with the kids often helping Sheree and Hayden set up for guests.
“Child loss has been very much part of our story,” she said.
“It’s not something we’d ever choose, but I think they’ve been able to see how we’ve used those hard parts of our story to be an encouragement for others.
“I think it’s definitely helped them to grow in their understanding that life carries those beautiful joys but it does carry pain.
“It’s not one or the other, it’s often both alongside each other.
“It’s given them an appreciation of that aspect of life.
“I hope it helps them understand how to reach out to others in their pain.”
Sheree said speaking about child loss with her living children had been hard.
“When we experienced our first few miscarriages our children were quite young so it was hard to be open and to know how much to be open about it,” she said.
“They knew and they were looking forward to a brother and a baby in our family.
“There’d be times when tears would just come.
“(My daughter) would come and sit next to me on the couch and just snuggle in for a cuddle.
“They don’t try to run away from it.
“They are happy to just sit in that place and give you a hug or talk about it or draw you a picture.
“I would say ‘I’m feeling really sad today because of Jamin’.
“Mums do have sad, hard days too.
“I didn’t feel like I had to pretend with them.”
The Ballingers would take family camping trips around difficult milestones.
“That is one of the most common times people reach out to make a booking is a first anniversary of a loss or around a birth date,” Sheree said.
“It would have made a world of difference to us.
“We are a fully registered charity. We do take donations to support the ongoing costs of each stay. We provide meals, as an option, plus basic supplies.”
To donate or become a corporate sponsor, email info@foreverheld.org.au.
