By Casey Neill
Connecting with Your Teens is about building resilient and independent adults.
Author Andy McNeilly wrote the guide to help parents and teachers bond with teens while helping them develop important life skills.
It follows on from the school teacher’s first book, Connecting with Your Kids, which was aimed at primary school children.
Andy’s kids are now aged 20, 18, and 16 years so he’s in the thick of the teen years himself.
When he was a teen, he’d jump on his bike and head off for the day. There were no mobile phones.
“My mum and dad had no idea where I was,” he said.
“We really didn’t get into that much mischief.
“Now there are so many more things for kids to negotiate as teenagers.
“As a parent, I really want my kids to be able to handle these things – to be resilient, to be independent.”
Andy and his wife were about to travel to New Zealand for a holiday when we spoke.
“I can confidently leave my three kids at home,” he said.
“They are well-equipped.
“I’ve always thought about parenting as ‘how can I help my kids be independent and move out?’.
“I think a lot of parents do worry that it’s a lot more difficult for kids today.
“They think ‘I better take care of my kid, I better wrap them up’.
“They’re less likely to push them out into the world and say, ‘You have the skills, I believe in you’.
“You want them to face these tricky situations.”
And when a situation is too tricky for their skill set? Hopefully, they ask you for help.
“When you don’t have the relationship, it’s really hard for them to ask for help,” Andy said.
“You want to have a strong relationship.
“It’s never too late to repair or build a relationship.”
Connecting with Your Teens features activities, strategies, and examples.
“Sometimes they might be a bit angsty and ask, ‘Why do I have to play a game with you?’,” he laughed.
“It can be tricky to change, but even a little change…
“With my kids, if I say, ‘Come on, let’s play a game’ they might walk away.
“If I put a game on the kitchen table, eventually they might want to play.
“The book is full of ideas that are really simple and accessible.
“It could be a five-minute activity.
“Get them to teach you a game they play on their console. Say, ‘Let’s play it together’ and get into their world.
“I think sometimes we forget as parents, we get a bit trapped in the seriousness.
“Life’s too short not to have fun.”
